Making your own decisions.

I'm back! Well, kinda. I finally found some energy deep within to do a post. It's been rough lately. I went to the doctor yesterday and I'm on some new medicine that is making me extremely sleepy and zaps whatever energy. I originally went because "I've had 4 nosebleeds this week and I need to talk to this doctor." As well as getting a flu shot... When really, even though that's true, I was there for a completely different reason. It turns out I have a bit of Bipolar. They've put me on Symbyax for a week, we're going to see how that goes and then put me on a full prescription. I've been fighting my mind, body, and soul since I was 12 and I've finally found someone that will listen to me and wants to help me. Not one single therapist, counselor, doctor, nurse, or family member has truly shown interest in getting me better, not until now. They drew blood, too, and the girl hit a nerve so my left arm is just all banged up! I'm the biggest baby ever when it comes to shots. I remember over the summer in the hospital and for weeks after I had to do two shots in the stomach a day. I got used to stomach shots but arm shots still scare me! It didn't hurt at all. If any of you get one, get them to use an insulin needle. It felt like a small pinch and that's it. If you have ever gotten your blood taken, it hurts less than that... and that doesn't hurt at all. I'm on the road to recovery/getting better now. It's going to be a long process, but thankfully my mother is finally getting on my side after years of denying and she's trying to help me through it. I'm thankful for Drake and the fact that he has been by my side. I've been a huge mess lately, and he's been there comforting me through it all. So, that all being said, it is important to make your own decisions. Don't let your family or friends make them for you. I remember last week getting into a heated argument with my grandparents over me getting a flu shot. It wasn't my decision. If I wanted someone to prick me with a needle, then I'd let them. But until then, I wouldn't let them. My grandparents don't like me to make my own decisions, especially my grandmother. She likes to make them for me. But, you know what? I won't let her phase me. I won't let anyone control me or even think about affecting a decision that I make. That's the whole point of this post. I had my mother telling me, "Oh just get the shot. It will make her happy and not mad anymore." But that's not the point. The point is I, Lauren Ashley, will make the decision on my OWN. I refuse to make a decision that will affect me just to make someone else happy... because then I'll never be truly content with that decision that I made. Yesterday, I finally concluded that I was going to get the flu shot. I was at peace with myself and I wasn't tense. I got the shot. Now, if I had been with my grandmother and we were still yelling our heads off because of what she was trying to force me to do since I'm supposedly under her control, I would have been tense and pissed and probably wouldn't have gotten the shot. However, I made the decision on my own to get the shot. It's been like that with everything. Getting a job. She wants me to get a job, but not at a tattoo shop or Hot Topic or anything that has to do with free spirits and whatnot. She wants me to be generic. Fake. Unhappy. It's the same with school. I tell her a thousand times a day, it seems, that I'm not going to do what SHE wants me to do, and yet she still thinks that she can and will. I told her that I was moving in with Drake, and she got pissed about that, too. I'm 21 and I can't even make my own decisions? I can't and won't let someone else hold me back. It's not healthy. That's why you, as the reader, shouldn't do the same. You may have someone yelling at you and threatening you and saying mean and horrible things... but you won't be truly happy until YOU make the decision yourself. It may take a day, a few day, weeks, months, or even a year... but you won't be happy unless YOU make that decision for yourself, whatever that decision may be. I'm definitely not talking about fiance/husband-wise, because I fully rely on Drake and we make all of our decisions together.. because that's what husbands and wives, fiance and fiancee do, right? Right.  Anyway. I'm in the process of clearing everything off of my Mac and turning it in. The charger has stopped working, again, after they claimed to have fixed it. Same with my screen. Same with another part of my Mac. Sigh. Anyway, I hope you're all doing fine!


P.S. I'm still looking to do sponsorship for sponsorship, let me know!

Day 21.

Ally out in the snow, with a leash and a collar on! He LOVES snow.

Love, Lauren Ashley and Drake